Get it together.

You know, I feel like I've cried more in the past eight weeks than I would normally in a bloody eight-month span. I feel a little pathetic, truth be told, and completely drained. Think I should go to bed before I suffer another spell.

Joy of all joys!, or, I love my boss.

Most of you know that the hardest part of my teaching job is not developing curriculum, or keeping children in line, or earning a measly wage, but dealing with coworker Q. For the sake of maintaining a peaceful environment, I largely kept quiet about my complaints. That is, until my boss requested a meeting in April to discuss the end of the school year and upcoming summer camp.

Without throwing Q under the bus - because I truly respect her creativity, and recognize that she's been essential to my growth as a teacher - I aired all of my concerns, and admitted that I didn't want to return to summer camp if I had to be her assistant in the morning. My summer would be difficult enough (it has certainly proved to be so) without the added tension. Additionally, I questioned whether or not I wanted to continue as her assistant in the fall, as my lead teaching opportunities bring me far more happiness with negligible stress. My boss assured me that my issues would be addressed, told me how much she valued my work, and on top of it all, apologized for not being more of a supportive presence and vowed to be more active from then on. What a pleasant surprise!

I can happily report that my summer has been relatively Q-free, as I was moved to a preschool sports camp in the morning. The daily reports I receive from a counselor who works with both me and Q reaffirms that I made the right decision in requesting said transfer. My summer is certainly the better for it, though as I mentioned, I'm not faring terribly well. Anyway, two days ago, my boss dropped a most surprising and glorious bombshell: I have a complete two year-old program, mine and mine alone, Monday-Friday.

I have an entire program! I HAVE AN ENTIRE PROGRAM!!

In case you don't understand my excitement, let me explain that this is just about everything I could have wanted. 1) I'll have limited contact with Q, and I think our relationship will be better for it. 2) I'll continue working with coworker X, whom I adore, twice a week for our open gym program. 3) I have complete control over the curriculum of some spectacular classes - art, music, cooking (!), and science being the highlights. 4) As I won't be anyone's assistant, I won't have two wages, only the higher one. Granted, it's still only $1000/month, but that's $200 more than what I made this past school year. I'll take what I can get.

In short, huzzah!, both for me and for my boss, who's been far more receptive and proactive than I ever expected. Isn't it nice to feel appreciated?

I want to go home.

Give me strength.

I'm taking the GRE in ten weeks. Whatever I said about driving, and reading as much as possible...backburner until August 10th. I want to suffer through this indignity only once. Now I can start panicking and hating myself for not remembering anything to do with math.

Summer vacation? Psh.

*Besides* working 60 hours a week for nine weeks, here's what else I want to accomplish or anxiously/excitedly (depending) await between June 16 and September 1:

• Developing lobster skin from working outside 40 hours a week. Unavoidable, regardless of how frequently I apply sunscreen.
• Studying for and taking the GRE. DREAD.
  
• Possibly doing the unthinkable and finally taking Driver's Ed, then getting my license. It really is time.
  
• Biking approximately 30 miles a week. At least this comes with serious benefits.
  
• Reading 13 books that have been staring at me for quite some time now. This is by far the most enjoyable activity on my list, but the least necessary.
• Moving into my new apartment. Thankfully it's only two blocks away, so I can carry over a good deal of stuff, and only require movers for the furniture. Still, it's a hassle.
  

Jealous? No, I wouldn't be either. In fact, if you want to switch summers, let me know as soon as possible. I'd be happy to take yours off your hands.

Too much time to think.

I'm so desperate to distract myself that I'm going to the library to study for the GRE. What is the world coming to...

Do you ever feel that your state of mind can be entirely defined by a single song? That when you hear it, often at the most random moment, it stops you dead in your tracks and provides that blessed "Aha!" moment? Yeah, I do too. So, if I could take out my little ol' heart, give it a voice, and accompany it on the piano, I believe it would sound something like this:

In every heart there is a room,
A sanctuary safe and strong,
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones.
You answered me with no pretense.
And still I feel I said too much,
My silence is my self-defense.

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns.
And so it goes, and so it goes,
And so will you soon I suppose.

But if my silence made you leave,
Then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share this room with you,
And you can have this heart to break.

And this is why my eyes are closed.
It's just as well, for all I've seen.
And so it goes, and so it goes,
And you're the only one who knows.

So I would choose to be with you,
That's if the choice were mine to make.
But you can make decisions too,
And you can have this heart to break.

And so it goes, and so it goes,
And you're the only one who knows.

*scene*